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雅思作文提高:6分写作范文及官方批改

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2011-07-19 20:48

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雅思作文提高

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  雅思写作范文的参考对大家准备自己的雅思写作与很大的帮助,所以在备考的过程中多准备一些雅思写作范文还是很有必要的。下面为大家搜集了一批雅思写作6分范文,后面附有考官的评语,供大家参考。

  The animal experimentation is very difficult issue with a lot of people feeling very strongly of it, we are use the animals for the experimentation in different way, one of most big problem is for test the cosmetics, the images of animals with things put in their eyes for so we are able to look a bit better make many people very angry. Is it necessary?

  The companies such as the body shop said that they do not experiment on animals and they produce good cosmetics who make money, I am not agree that making the cosmetics that make our faces better does not mean the animals must suffering in terrible ways, it does not seem moral for me. On the other hand we also use the animals for test the new drugs.

  Without these new drugs people die and suffer when they need not, some of the people believe that the animals should not suffer and die so that we can avoid it, I am not agree here, these people will change the minds when it is they who are die or one of their children, it is sad that the animals have to suffer for this thing but here I believe that the suffering is justify. Is there alternative to the animal experimentation?

  I’m not expert but I don’t think so, the monkeys are most near biology animals and without test to them, we cannot sure of affects of the new drugs, we test on humans also but only when we know the drugs not a problem to us, the testing on humans without the tests on the animals could make the tragedies.

  So in conclusion I do not believe that the animal testing is justify for not essential things but for essential things I believe that there is not choice and it is justify.

  (307 words)

  Estimate Estimated IELTS Writing Band 6

  IELTS Examiner Commentary

  This essay was written by a Pakistani IELTS student studying in the UK.

  The Academic Task 2 Writing is marked in 3 areas. Let’s look at these.

  Arguments, Ideas and Evidence

  This band grades the essay on its content, how it structures its ideas and backs up the ideas with examples. First of all this essay is not set out as an essay should be. It is all together in one big lump that shows a lack of organization. Apart from that though the essay is relevant to the question and has good ideas with examples to back them up. This essay would get a quite good band for Arguments, Ideas and Evidence.

  Communicative Quality

  This mark grades the candidate on how easily the reader understands the essay. This depends on accuracy in structure, grammar, punctuation and vocabulary, as bad grammar, punctuation and vocabulary will cause a breakdown in communication. The worst problem affecting the Communicative Quality is the lack of organization in the structure. The entire essay is in one big paragraph and the punctuation within the paragraph is poor. There are too many commas and not enough full stops. This makes the reader go from one sentence into another without realizing it and the change of meaning from one sentence to another makes the reader have to stop and go back to find out when the change of meaning happened. On top of this the spelling and grammar is often faulty and this makes it difficult for the reader. Connecting language is not used that well either though there is some good usage (On the other hand). So, this essay would not get a good band for Communicative Quality.

  Vocabulary and Sentence Structure

  With Vocabulary the examiner looks at the range of words used and whether they are used in the right place and at the right time. With Sentence Structure, the examiner looks at the grammar. The word choices themselves in the essay are not bad at all but their spelling is not that good. As pointed out above the grammar is not good. There are problems with articles (experimentation is highly difficult issue; for the experimentation), tense choice and formation (are use; is justify; must suffering), verb patterns (for test), prepositions (very strongly of it; not a problem to us; test to them), superlatives (most big problem; most near) amongst others. The punctuation is also bad. The writer has used commas mostly instead of full stops and he doesn’t use question marks for his questions. This essay would not get a very good band for Vocabulary and Sentence Structure.

  以上就是这篇雅思写作6分范文的全部内容,从后面的考官评语来看,这位考生的这篇雅思写作范文明显还是有一些基本的语法错误,而且在篇章结构方面也需要更多的练习。大家在自己的雅思写作备考中也可以参照上面的例子进行练习,以便得到更大的提高。

  想了解更多雅思作文网的资讯,请访问: 雅思作文

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