四、戒主语暗淡
主语是句子的灵魂,定住译文的主语是关键的一步棋。主语定偏了,整个句子将显得松散乏力,甚至会误导读者。例如:
如果这个问题不解决,势必影响两国的利益。
Failure to settle this issue is bound to impair the relations between the two countries seriously.
If the problem is not solved, it is sure to affect the interests between the two countries.
在上面的两种译文中,显然第一种译文主语选得好,句子流畅。又如:
夏威夷的沙滩上,椰影婆娑,海风习习,一妙龄女郎正躺在白色的塑料椅上养神。
On the Hawaiian sandy beach, the coconut palms are whirling, the congenialsea breeze is blowing, and a young lady is lying in the white plastic chair resting to restore energy.
因为是轻松读本,又是描述性的文字,使用三个主语the coconut palms、the congenial sea breeze、a young lady仍是可取的。
五、戒结构单调,组合生硬“拉郎配”
由于汉英结构不同,表达方式迥异,硬性翻译不仅读起来别扭,而且会闹出笑话。这就要求译者在翻译时灵活使用整合的技巧,将句子整合,凸显汉语中所隐含的层次,补充所缺失的成分。有时要将简单句译成并列句,有时将并列句译成主从句。
在纪念大学毕业20周年聚会时,我忽然问起原来的班主任:“我个子又不矮,怎么把我安排在了第一排呢?”
At the reunion party for 20 anniversary of graduation from university, I suddenly asked my former teacher in charge of our class then:” Since I am not of short stature, how did you arrange me at the first row”
一个高度近视的女博士去擦鞋店擦高统靴,秃头老板亲自蹲下来给她效劳。
When a woman doctor who suffers a severe myopicwent to shoes-polishing shop for her buskins,the bald boss squatted down to serve her personally.
六、戒“愚忠”,不谙增减之道
我们耳熟能详的东西外国人可能会感到一头雾水,译者需要增加必要的说明和补充或者减译。否则,外国人会不知所云。毕竟,汉译英最终是给外国人看的。
例如:风水
fengshui——the location of a house or tomb, supposed to have an influence on the fortune of a family.
七、戒语句重复
汉语多重复,以强化语气;英语则要尽量避免重复。
王曰:“此鸟不飞则已,一飞冲天;不鸣则已,一鸣惊人。”
“The bird may not have flown yet”, replied the King, “Once it does, it will soar to the sky. I may not have cried out yet, but once it does, it will startle everyone.”(杨宪益译《史记-滑稽列传》)
中国人也好,外国人也好,死人也好,活人也好,对的就是对的,不对的就是不对的。
What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, no matter what it concerns, the Chinese or foreigners, the dead or the living.